Hell6

Well it’s now 2012, year of the Olympics in London and the End of the World if you believe the Mayan Calender palarver. So how was 2011 for you, I hear you all ask, as the voices in my head grow louder again.

Well an odd year in some respects, fairly plain in others. The Earth completed another orbit of its star. Wars were fought and lost. Things happened and peopled died. But for me personally, I barely averted a personal crisis, by trying desperately trying to put my own “life” in order. Too much work and worry about things I cannot change over night, led to way too much stress and eventual depression. I lost my way, trying to do what I thought other people expected of me. Again the lesson here is : Do what is right for you.

I lost some friends too. Mark, a guy who I had worked with for over 13 years, suddenly dropped dead from a heart attack, one sunny Sunday afternoon as he was out cycling with family and friends. Mike, who in December of 2010 was complaining about a “pain in his thigh”, died just before Christmas 2011 from cancer. And no means least, my cat Tiggy. What do I salvage from all of this? Well worrying does you no good, it won’t change the events. Live, accept the cards dealt to you, but most of all, enjoy it all, every last moment. Because tomorrow it may well end. I realise it is easy to sit here and write all this out, but I am more determined than ever to enjoy life. What ever you may believe, you only get one shot at THIS life, so enjoy it.

On a lighter note, it has been a great year for music.  The wonderful Kate Bush released TWO albums this year….. yes TWO! Also the just as wonderful Kate Walsh released a new album and toured with it. I have re-discovered the beauty of live music again, having seen Kate Walsh twice, each with a cracking support act. Discovered the truely talented (and terribly gorgeous) Jade Hopcroft, a support of Kate Walsh, who I have now seen a few times in her own right. Must go to more gigs this year.  I guess that is my New Year’s Resolution.

Well until next time, when ever that may be…..

“A Good friend and long time Roleplayer died from Cancer this week: We are Gamers, when one of us dies, more than just one person leaves our world. Each of our characters which we have played, and each world we have run games in goes with us. Non-gamers will never understand that we have not just lost a friend, but entire worlds of friends with whom we shall meet no more.” – Angus McLeod and so say all of us

Been a while I know, but I inadvertently let out the “Black Dog” of Depression to play. He’s  slowly been growing all year I guess, just never noticed him, before it was too late ( or at least almost too late ). Too much stress and worrying about minuscule things and forgetting to let go and enjoy myself.  A two week break from the hassle of work, feet up doing bugger all and actually relaxing did the trick. The Black Dog is under control and back on his leash. Lets hope he stays there.

Now for the Christmas Ghost story. The other morning I was lying in bed and slowly came round to the strange smell of perfume in my bedroom. I knew that I went to bed alone, just me and the cat in the house. Laying on my side, I took a deep breath in and confirmed the smell of perfume. Suddenly I felt like some one was standing over me, some one called my name, as if to wake me. Looking down the bed I saw a blonde hair woman…. This is where I FREAKED. I scream in utter terror, not that “ooo I saw a scary movie” scared, but deep primeval terror. I jumped up on the bed, with my back to the wall, prepared to kill anything that came within 5ft of me. It took my rational mind quite a while to calm me down and point out there was no one in the room. I have NEVER know such terror before. Now I’m guessing that the rational answer was that I was still experiencing REM sleep, even though I was awake, hence why everything was so “real”. However I have to wonder, if this was the case, why did I summon up a perfume, I never knew, or a blonde woman I never knew. I have a tendency towards brunettes, so why did my imagination summon up a blonde hair woman?

Again people have asked me, why at nearly 44, are you  single? Why aren’t I out there looking for the “Special” one? There’s no simple answer, but I’ll try….

Some ancient Beliefs, believe that when you love some one, you give them a piece of your soul and in return, when they love you, you recieve a part of theirs. However I have given out so many pieces of my soul, but have recieved so little in return. I have nothing else to give

On a cold and foggy November morning they met, at a place called Pangbourne. These hardy souls were to test their mettle in the cold waters of the Thames. 17 of them slid into the cold cold waters of the River Thames, they fought the elements, the currents, wild geese and vicious Pike, never the less 1 mile later all 17 crawled out onto the bank, tired, very very cold but happy.

I have recently got back to swimmming, but not in some over heated, noisey, smelly and crowded swimming pool.But back to where it should be done, in a river. I have found a quiet brook, only about 1 mile from Heathrow airport and less than 400 yards from the M25. Surprisingly it is like another world, I swim with herons,  varied ducks and even kingfishers. It is an idyllic escape.

I have recently joined the Outdoor Swimming Society ( OSS ) really just for tips and examples of good places to swim. However I have signed up for a mile ( possibly 2! ) in the River Thames, near Pangbourne in the middle of Nov! Yes…. November. So I have invested in a cheap wet suit, boots and gloves, as the water tempature is forcasted to be ‘cold’. The distance isn’t too much of a worry, as it is going to current assisted, but the cold is another matter. Am I worried, yes, but that’s why we do such things.  Live with fear, don’t live in fear. PIctures and possibly video to follow

I’m back!

The Amazing Kate Bush

I have just finished reading an excellent book, “Under the Ivy – The Life and Music of Kate Bush” – by Graeme Thomson. I’ve been a fan of Kate Bush ever since I discovered her third album, “Never for Ever”, way back in the early ’80′s. Yes I had know of her, but had not paid my attention to her, I was more into heavy rock music ( AC DC, Saxon, Whitesnake, Rainbow) in my youth. But this album caught my attention and literally altered the course of my life.

As long as I can remember, as a child, I always wanted to be a Royal Navy helicopter pilot. This desire pushed me through my academic life and on the verge of achieving this goal, in 1984, I passed the Flight Aptitude test, which would allow me to join the RN as a pilot.

But when I was asked to sign on the dotted line, I refused. This came as a shock not only to my parents and the RN recruiting officer, but to me also. All I knew was that I was not 100% sure if this is what I really wanted. It took me many years of looking back, to try and figure out why I made that decsion.

Over the years my Kate Bush CDs slipped further and further to the back of the shelf, until recently. Whilst reading “Under the Ivy” I began to look at Kate’s music differently, so I dug out the CDs and played them again.

“Army Dreamers” on “Never for Ever” came on and instantly I was transported back to the summer of 1984, sitting in my bedroom, listening to the 7″ vinyl version, over and over again on a small “portable” record player. It was a memory that had been long forgotten, it was only another uneventful day in a long summer holiday. I now know why I didn’t join the RN, deep in my sub conscious, Kate’s words reverberated.

Thank you Kate. Do I regret not joining the RN. NO….. Never regret any of your decsions. I would not be the person I am today, if I had taken that other path, I would of missed out on so much of this life. But thank you Kate.

PS. If I’ve trodden on any rights issues with the photo, please shout at me. Andy

I’ve just got back from Las Vegas, in fact our flight was one of the last to land back at Heathrow recently after the Iceland eruption. My thoughts on Vegas? Hmmm very “in your face”, brash and debaunched. The Strip was loud, bright and a fantasyland. The architecture is amazing, breath-taking, but also tacky and cheap.

I stayed in a friend’s suite in the Bellagio Hotel.

Another surreal moment was watching snow fall on the mountain tops surrounding Las Vegas, whilst preparing to go down to the pool and sun bathe. Even the weather was surreal!

Though it was a 5 star hotel, like everything else in Vegas, it was quite tacky. I’ve stayed in 5 star hotels before and they were everything you would expect, but the Bellagio and all the other Vegas top hotels, it was still “plasticy” and tacky. It wasn’t unpleasant, but not what you would expect in a European style 5 star hotel. Everything seemed so false.

Not particularly friendly either. All in all it was a fascinating look into the gaerish side of Americana life.

It was interesting to be a part of it, even just for a while, but not sure if I’m ready to return any time soon.

Finally the weather has turned, the first new flowers have broken through the bleak ground. The sun is begining to warm once more. A wonderful time, full of hope and new starts. It was nice to have a “proper” winter, but I’m glad we’re through it now.